Drowning

i've fallen in this black pool;
can't touch the bottom.
i'm kicking to re-surface,
trying to calm my racing heart.
i look up to the sky,
but i only see darkness.
there is no surface,
no glimmer of light shining through
the ripples of my struggles.
i'm surrounded.
i'm being closed in on all sides
by darkness.
i can't get out.
this black ink is thick,
like tar,
suffocating me,
dragging me down deeper and deeper.
i need a way out. i need air.
i need a hand to pull me out of this black water.
O God please don't leave me down here alone...
Please provide some light in this black abyss,
pull me up,
or push me down to the bottom,
to the very bottom
so i can push myself up to freedom.

Blessed freedom,
sweet, unclogged, pure air.
I've almost forgotten how it tastes.

Someone please save me from myself!

Sickiness

It's all Mabee one's fault.. they were sick first, and because they're my brother floor, i hung out with them a lot, and i got the sickness that had gone through their whole hall already..
Being sick at college is not fun.. Mainly because there isn't a mommy around to take care of you, make you chicken soup, get medicine, call your teachers, etc, and all that good-nurse-you-back-to-health stuff.. it's ESPECIALLY hard when your parents live on the other side of the world in Asia.
but oh well.. Life goes on, the homework piles up, and... interestingly enough.. you realize how much people notice you when you're not there in class.. I've lost count of how many people commented on how they missed me in class, or noticed it was quieter, or how it was more boring, or just noticed i wasn't there. it's a bit of a confidence booster actually.. not enough of one that i'll try to get sick more often! but still. it's very nice to know that people you only met about a month ago actually and genuinely care and notice when you're not there or just not feeling well.
So basically, thank you to everyone who noticed i was gone on monday, and thank you to the wonderful and amazing nurse who gave me LOTS of drugs!! :D (i love drugs.. teehee.. and i mean that in the non-druggie sense.. cuz i'm not a druggie. i just take pain meds and cold meds when i need them). and thank you April for sending me to the nurse, to all my floor mates who've been wishing me good health, and praying for me, etc.. and helping me do homework... and to my mommy who kept bugging me and checking up on me.. :) I love you mommy! (if you ever read this...)

This is me

This is me.
I struggled for about.. five minutes.. trying to decide what 'meaningful and well-developed' subject I could write about. Many ideas bounced around my head, but none of them fit quite right. I could write about coffee, and make it look and sound meaningful, but I've done that already. I could write about my boyfriend, but I talk about him all the time. Also, nothing I could say on here would ever compare with the real thing or with me just talking about him.
But I want the point of my first blog to kind of tell you about me... So here I go, even though I'd rather talk to you in person.
Wow. this is harder than i thought.. Ah forget this! I'm going to write about something I love, and if you think I'm interesting, you can come and talk to me yourself. :p

I have the strange obsession with twilight. :) and no, it's not the book series. I'm talking about the actual time between night and day. You see, I grew up in the Philippines, and what I miss most about being there, is the twilight. Between 5 and 6 pm the sky will transition from robin's egg blue to ebony black. I remember sitting on the second story railing of one of the buildings at my high school, just staring up into the gorgeous many-hued sky.
On the west horizon the sky is the prettiest blue ever, and as the sun proceedes to hide, the sky ranges from blushing pinks and reds to warm lavenders and bright oranges in the middle. A little further on, and the sky blends to dark royal blues, and plum purples. Finally, as your eyes reach the grey mountains, the sky is darkest ebony, and the stars just begin to twinkle in and out of hiding. The clouds in the sky add to the Great Artist's design and float listlessly across the sky.
That is my home... The land I grew up in and the land I love. I do not look like the people there, but I have the same heart and I love and miss the people of the Philippines desperately. Coming to America was not as hard as I thought it would be. I began preparing myself for the transition last summer before my senior year. I kept at it all year long, and lo and behold! Graduation sneaked up behind me, screaming and scaring me out of my wits.
After the first initial scares, things began to settle down and life finally away from my high school turned out to be good, much to my surprise. Basically, I let go of everything I once held dear, and let it all fall away into GOD's Almighty Hands. I refused to hold onto my past, my friends, the mistakes I had made. I let GOD have everything, and was left with HIS blessings, and with joy and peace at knowing GOD was in control. HE provided friends in advance for me, both at college, and at the mission's conference I would attend two and a half weeks after graduation. At the mission's conference, I caught up with a couple old friends who will always be there for me.
That's basically all I can think of sharing right now. There's a lot more to me, and I don't wear masks. Basically, if there's anything you want to know about me, PLEASE feel free to ask. I'm always ready to answer, and I will answer most any question, no matter now personal. I'm of the opinion that we should be spending every minute that we spend with other people being open, honest, and real, asking questions and getting to know each other all the better.