surprise surprise...

I suppose another update is needed.

uhm.. not really sure how to say all of this, cuz certain members of my family are requesting that certain information is not published online anywhere.. so it's hard to explain everything on here. actually it's impossible to.

but the gist of it is... my time in Australia is drawing to a close. Quicker than I/we expected it would. the original departure date from Australia to New Zealand was 14 Nov, and from New Zealand to LAX was 20 Nov. Now.. I'm leaving two weeks early. 1 Nov, I will be leaving for New Zealand and hopefully flying to LAX that same day. Hopefully ALSO on the same day, I will be flying to DFW, where someone will pick me up and drive me to my Grandma's house.

I haven't yet changed my tickets (cuz I'm at uni right now, and I forgot my travel documents and passport at my student housing XP), but that's the plan! and somehow i'm going to pay for it all as well.

I would leave sooner, but there is the "small" matter of the Bald Prima Donna, which is a play I'm running sound for. The play is 28-30 October, (hence my 1 Nov leave-date), and it is theone thing left that I have started and want to finish in its completion before leaving.

Recently I've really been struggling in my faith, or lack thereof. With the recent family crisis, I'm having to relearn that God really is ALL that I have that is stable, even though sometimes we have dry spells or it seems like He's not there. Basically, I'm coming to the realization that I must trust in God. b/c there is NO OTHER WAY for this to work. I'm very short on cash, and I have no way of getting any income until I'm back in America and working. Oh, nor do I have a job lined up. so ya.. Please pray for me and my family as we go through a REALLY hard time.

I suppose there is some good to all of this and the crappy situation that I find myself in. I now have two weeks to do everything in Australia that I've wanted to do, but not done, since arriving here. I'm prioritizing what's really important, and what is secondary or tertiary. There are so many people who I want to do stuff with before leaving. And because of Bald Prima Donna rehearsals, I have to have all of these activities scheduled! with almost no flexibility room. :(

so.. things that I want to do!

1) take pictures of the sunrise AND sunset from Flo Harris Lodge roof

2) go to the beach!!!

a) get SUBMERGED in the ocean

b) have a barbecue and sleep on the beach.

c) then get up and see the sunrise

3) watch the Castle

4) do things with specific people in my student housing

5) make a mural/poster with Mariah and Flo Harris people

6) take pictures of random signs

7) see a show at the Sydney Opera House

8) eat kangaroo steak!

and a whole lot more that i just can't remember at the moment...

I will refrain from putting my actual "to-do" list of not-fun things...

until next time!

In recent news...

ya.. it's been about two months.. sorry guys. life gets busy

so 6 weeks down, and 5 more to go! Sorry i didn't write a blog post about Canberra or the Outback... even tho going out back to the bush was by far my ALL-TIME FAVOURITE experience so far :) and will probably stay my favourite out of everything.

this past week was... very long.. despite the fact i only had classes 3 days of the week instead of 5... Monday was Australian Labour Day, and b/c OZ only has like 3 public holidays, they make sure that ALL the schools and places get their day off. except I still had rehearsals Xp but it wasn't that bad.. and Tuesday, class in the morning was optional, so, duh, i opted out for some SLEEP instead! it was great :) Wednesday was actually a not so fun day.. or it wasn't in the morning.. so in the afternoon i got together with my friend Andrew (yes, another one) and we just talked and hung out for about 3 hours. it was great :) we got coffee (or I got coffee, since he doens't like it), ice cream, and lemon lime and bitters. ^_^ MMmmmmm.. yummy.

THURSDAY.. was an exciting adventure. it was the day of my MUSIC SHOWCASE! :D my first concert since HIGH SCHOOL... ya.. it's been a while, i know haha.. got to uni around 11:20, and sound checks were at 11:45. highlights were at 12:45, and the Showcase was at 7pm. we all THOUGHT we were just in the showcase, but no.. turns out we're in the Highlights as well! SO.. guess who had to scramble to get in her costume/performance outfit and doll up super fast before soundchecks... ya.. needless to say, i was quite frazzled.. but the feeling was.. idk.. it was like an old friend who i hadn't seen in YEARS. i'd missed the feeling of exhileration and the adrenaline of getting ready to put on a show... ^o^ both shows went VERY well. and i had SO much fun in it all.. i just wish there was more :( ah well.. we still have more songs to work on in the class.. and we may have another chance for performing, but no idea for sure.
IN CONCLUSION: i'm considering joining the LETU choir when i get back. it may not be the best (or even close to good sometimes), but i want to encourage fine arts at letu (plus i have that dream of starting a fine arts program at letu) so i think it would be good. Plus, it's probably the easiest/quickest way for me to be able to schedule in some time for singing throughout my week.

Friday was uneventful, as was Saturday.. sorry folks.. it may be Australia, but i don't lead that exciting of a life here Xp i'm discovering that i waste too much of my time online xp.. need to fix that.

TODAY, however.. (Sunday) was a HUGE pain in the rear... tomorrow (monday) my portfolio for photography is due. yesterday (Saturday) i walked down to Office works and placed an order for my 6 photos to be printed on 8x10 photo paper. get back today, around 1ish, and they say come back in 45 mins. cuz they have to do something to get the printer working. i come back at 3ish, and they say their printer isn't working for 8x10 Xp ARGH!!! find Wellsley, who drives me to Leichhardt marketplace where Hayley said there is a Rabbit Photo that does prints, and she loaned me her members card. we get there, and Rabbit Photo no longer exists there! ARGH AGAIN!!! then we drive down to the Office Works off of parramatta road down in Five Docks. THEIR printer won't work for 8x10 either! so back to Leichhardt we go. and it closed at 4pm XP it is not almost 5... *sigh..* then we go to Coles inside Norton Plaza, hoping that they might do printing somewhere.. Answer: NOPE...
however... Hayley is helping me out and taking me to Sydney University tomorrow morning (only 15-20 mins away) and we're going to get my photos printed there. so ya.. fingers crossed, cuz i REALLY need these photos! FOR TOMORROW! (and, incidentally, prepare a 5min presentation on the photos, have them backed to black cardboard, and have them on a disc for the prof. AND come in formal/business wear for our professional portraiture shots.. grrreeeeaaaaat....)

ya.. I've also been EXTREMELY homesick lately.. really missing my Penn2 boys.. but then again.. i also realized that i've been trying to live vicariously thru the pictures and videos they send me, but then I'm the one in Australia... so WHY am i wasting my time sitting in my room on my computer when i could out DOING something AMAZING in AUSTRALIA? it doesn't make sense!

ah well... i'm going to try and get better about that.. that doesn't negate the fact that i've been homesick.. if you have the cash and the time, PLEASE SEND ME MAIL!!! it's hard to find Reese's peanut butter cups here.. for a good price anyway XP so please send me some! or a card or a letter or something that lets me know you're thinking of me.. i've gotten this weird idea that if you miss me or have been thinking of me, unless you actually do something about it, you may as well not have.. *shrugs* no, it's not fair.. i know. but that's what things kinda boil down to sometimes...

oh, i guess i should let you guys know... i'm really struggling with... a LOT of things.. for one, my faith. is almost... non-existent? right now.. not really sure how to explain it.. but almost ALL of my foundations are being not only shaken but SHATTERED. and i'm finding it really hard to find ANY motivation to do ANYTHING. not singing, writing, drawing, or anything. which is really sad, when you stop and remember that those things are the REASONS that i came here. and i had three huge dreams that were propelling me onward. now i can hardly remember them, as they are just a dim and dull memory.. that should not be so. i'm also getting really depressed really easily.. i can't say anythign in detail on here, (so ask me if you really want to know), but there is a bit of a family crisis at home in America.. which makes being HERE so much harder.

it's funny, y'know.. cuz i was having panic attacks before coming to Australia.. cuz i was so scared about the classes and the workload and the fact that God was going to break me, and i wouldn't have any of my safety nets.. but God's been breaking me in completely different ways.. and it scares me. and i lose hope SO many times.. but somehow i've kept going. idk how.. sometimes i feel completely alone over here.. and so i try to cling on to my friends back at letu, but a lot of times people won't have time for me.. so sometimes i'm burning the candle at both ends.. cuz Wesley institute is such a small school (300 students!) that it's all in cliques.. and the ASC students are kinda.. lumped into one group. and i've always HATED being lumped in with a group. so i drift away, and try to find one or two people that i can relate to. i've found a few who i can actually call friend and not just Australian-whose-name-and-face-i-know-because-we-go-to-the-same-uni...

ya.. there's a LOT that i haven't said about all of that.. b/c it's been going on all semester, and i just realized it a few weeks ago. but never wrote a blog about it.. so ya.. here's everything in one huge mess that probably doesn't make any sense.. but my life kinda feels like that.. so it fits, right?

5 more weeks... i can do this, right? let's hope so.

on a separate note...

I went exploring today! :D Mariah basically had to pull me away from campus tho Xp and I didn't have time to grab the Nikon from home either! but we ended up going exploring anyway. and it was FUN! :D

First we found Aubrey waiting across the road, and so we invited her to join us. Then we got a 504 bus to Circular Quay (pronounced "key"), took the ferry across to Milson's Point, and walked to Luna Park, which was closed, but they still had the gates open.. so we went in and poked around a bit, took pictures, and got outta there before security came haha.. then we walked down the boardwalk basically till we came to a VERY old train station that was no longer in service. And Aubrey saw some cool rocks, and decided to climb them. so Mariah and I naturally followed, taking pictures along the way.

but we didn't know how to get home... so I asked this Middle-Eastern man who was walking by when the train came by (this was before we learned that the train was out of service Xp) and he said to take the train from Milson Station. we thanked him, and he went on his way. About half an hour later, we decide to head back towards wherever it was we came from haha.. and the same Middle-Easter guy catches up with us! lol.. he asks if we know where we're going, and since we didn't know, he offered to take us there. So we had our own personal tour guide from the remote boardwalk we were at all the way to Milson's Station.

So ya, it wasn't all that exciting, but it was still great to just.. idk.. get OUT of the city, and yet still see it. we ALSO caught the sunset, so that was just BEAUTIFUL to watch. but my camera was low on battery, so i didn't get many pictures of that. or any... and plus, it was just too beautiful. I couldn't capture it with any camera.. so far ALL of Australia has been like that tho. which could be part of why I haven't as of yet posted any pictures XP (still meaning to do that!)

So all in all.. My day was made complete. :)

thanks for reading! See you Sunday evening, Central time ;)

Vocal Ensemble

Ok, so it appears that I either have too much free time on my hands, or I'm slacking off and not doing the things that I probably should be doing. Nevertheless! I had an amazing day today :) which was actually surprising, since I left a little late, and forgot my water bottle at home, and left my iPod in the student centre throughout all of my class..

Good news tho, I made it to class on time! AND was able to buy a bottle of water in the Student Centre--where I ended up leaving my iPod--before running to class, and my iPod was STILL right where I had left it. SO! that was quite amazing ^_^ Iol...

Class today was, as you can guess from the title, Vocal Ensemble. It. Was. AMAZING! lol.. Although I don't know if I can have a bad class day on Wednesdays. I'm still.. idk.. in this weird yet excited state of mind, finally being in a singing group for myself, to make myself happy, and not to make anyone else proud or happy or to gain their approval. And... for the first time I feel as if I am singing among equals. I don't know what it really is, but I just have so much more confidence than I did in high school, and I think that that is part of what is making this class SO enjoyable for me.

One of the things that I think is really cool is that Clare, our teacher, wants to help us learn to and be comfortable with leading each other. The ensemble is much more of a peer-guided ensemble than a choir. if that makes any sense... So today we started off with rounds, (which I had forgotten/didn't take the time to learn before class), and she had the person on the end start it off.. which just happened to be me today Xp so.. lol.. ya! it was.. kinda funny starting off at first, but Clare gave me some pointers, and.. ya :) we all sounded so pretty! ^o^ and i'm getting really used to singing mezzo, instead of just alto. It's almost as if I'm not letting the category of "alto" bind me or bar me from singing the high parts. So... idk lol.. I see high notes on the page, and I'm not scared of them. I'm belting them out! And if they're wrong I'm fixing them lol.. and I think another thing is that I'm not afraid to laugh at myself anymore. And I was VERY self-conscious and had zero confidence in high school. So again.. the simple difference in choir/music group experiences is just... flooring me! totally cool :)

Public Transportaion...

is a pain!!! especially when it is 3:18, you had a Production meeting from 3-4 at Wesley for the graduate play, and you are at home in Lewisham, which is at least half an hour from there... it's even WORSE when you can't find the FRICKING BUS STOP!!! that is because you usually take the train, and the only times you have taken a bus from Lewisham were on weekends when the trains weren't running, and there were "city rail buses" which took the same routes as the trains. or basically from station to station.

BUT THAT WASN'T THE NORMAL BUS STATION! that was from the TRAIN station. So... you spend 10 minutes looking for this elusive bus stop, which apparently is in the OPPOSITE DIRECTION, iow: back the way you came Xp and by this time, you have missed said bus which would take you the quickest way back to Drummoyne, so you call 131500 to get travel help. only they keep putting you through a loop.. and you can't get ANY information or help from the said-to-be-most-helpful travel guide...

so... you know that taking the train to Town Hall, and then the bus from Druitt Street to Victoria/Lyons and then a 15-20 min walk will not get you there before 4:00, so you decide to backtrack a different route which you've taken only just yesterday. Train to Burwood, then bus from Burwood to Lyons and Barney, which is JUST down the road from St. Mary's street, where Wesley resides..

well.. first, you don't know where the stupid bus stop is.. you know where you got off the day before, but not quite sure where to get on the same bus.. so.. you cross a few streets, walk up and down a couple times, see your bus leave, before you've even found the stop! and then you walk AROUND THE MALL, and ask an off-duty bus driver where to get on a bus to Drummoyne. Then you find the bus stop, and discover you have 15 more mins to wait before your bus gets there..

and it is now 4:00. the meeting is officially over, and you are screwed.

so that was my afternoon! it wasn't all that bad actually. I'm VERY lucky that Australians are so laid-back about things tho. Like I'm not in any major trouble for missing the first meeting. I mainly just felt really bad about it Xp but it's all good. no worries.. just get the minutes from the Student Director, figure out how to make it up. make sure you don't miss it next week. pencil it in to your schedule..

other than that fiasco this evening, my morning was pretty great! we meet at the St. James church off of MacQuarie Road, (there was a cafe outside the church! :D bonus points there..) we went inside and had fun discussions about Myths and Histories and cultural identities and personal identities.. (I actually hadn't done the homework.. or finished the reading Xp i know, i'm a terrible student. it was our first homework assignment too. but i guess i "partied" too much over the weekend and just kinda crashed Monday night instead of doing my reading and worksheet Xp that's what i get for going out of my comfort zone and hanging out in large groups of people whom i don't really know!)

that homework i hadn't done was also the reason i forgot my meeting today.. cuz i knew i had to finish up that, and then i also had music to review for tomorrow's class, so i was thinking about THAT homework i knew i had, and totally forgot about the meeting.. although i DID remember about dinner @ 5:00 with people at the Thai restaurant down the street from the school. I WAS ON TIME FOR THAT! and it was DElicious, i must say. i just came from there actually to the school, where i am now typing this up in the computer lab of the library, with a now-empty cappuccino..

anyways! so this morning after our discussion in the church, (St. James, which was in fact the very first Anglican church IN Australia..) we walked across MacQuarie to the Hype Parks Barracks Museum. where convicts were housed. and lots of other things went on too.. it was SO much fun going around there! and i got LOTS of pictures. they will be up in the (hopefully) near future. (no promises guys!) and the gift shop was fun too.. :) more on that later ;) i plan to go back actually before leaving Aussieland and get more pictures and see the rest of the stuff that i missed b/c i was taking pictures haha. and since admission is only AU$5 with a student id card, it's not a bad idea!

so ya.. that was my day so far.. and i think now i'm going to head back home, alone,-- because Mariah is going over to Lauren's for a taste-testing thing.. but I have homework to do, and I'm getting tired, despite the cappuccino, so i shall post this, and then tottle off home. :)

later, mates!

Sydney

First off, I apologize for being so TERRIBLY late in posting this. I know I said that this blogwould be the best way to keep in touch with me, but of course that is only if I can remember to make time to actually WORK on the blog Xp so please forgive me for my laxity.

Now that apologies are out of the way... OMGILOVESYDNEY!!!!! it is SUCH a beautiful Sydney! my favorite part has GOT to be my commute from my student housing in Lewisham to Wesley in Drummoyne. I walk 5 mins to the train stop, take the train to Town Hall. Walk down the street to the bus stop and take any 500bus (EXCEPT 501) to Victoria and Lyons, and then walk about 20 mins to school. ^_^ yes, this is the longer of quite a few different routes I could take.. but I like this route because it's PRETTY. well.. at least I think it's pretty haha.. first off, we go over the ANZAC Bridge (aka: Lady Gaga's bra), and I love being able to look out into Darling Harbour and see the Harbour Bridge each time. (heart!) i feel like i'm actually living in Sydney and not just passing through.

I guess I should tell you some of my trip though.. Well.. it was probably the shortest trans-Pacific trip I've ever taken. And, to my GREAT delight, the 33 of us didn't have to go through security together.. We all checked in our bags separately, checked in with Khris, who was checking us off her list, and then could go through the security whenever we wanted to. Which made it very convenient, cuz then we didn't have to wait on everybody for everything. Definitely a good thing lol... it was great to finally meet the rest of the group and to finally put a proper face and audible voice to all of the names that i'd heard and tried to become familiar with over the past month, but I must admit that I was not at my best. I was tired, cranky, and all to much a snob about international travel xp but since getting to Sydney, I've been able to spend some time with people on a 1-on-1 basis, which is my preference. So that's been good.

Mariah Jensen and I are rooming together at the Flo Harris Lodge, and the place is GORGEOUS!! Morton House, which is adjacent to Flo, and where Mariah and I and about 10 other students from Austrlia are staying, is a Victorian Heritage House, so it's very old, very COLD sometimes, but oh so beautiful. :) I fell in love with it immediately! The other students staying in Morton and in Flo (Flobians, as we're called haha...) are a LOT of fun. I FOUND A DND GROUP!!! (just about ALL of the guys actually haha! SO awesome! haven't played with them yet tho..) the girls are very sweet, understanding, open, and great fun. the guys are hilarious! remind me SO much of my boys on Penn2 and my guy friends at letu haha.. sooo many similarities, I'm really feeling at home here. ^_^

so... we arrived on Wednesday around 9am (flight was delayed in NYC before it picked us up in LAX, so we ended up getting to Sydney around 2-3 hours later than planned). And Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday we had ASC (Australia Studies Centre) Orientation.

just to clarify... when i say ASC, i am referring to the 33 group of students who came from America to study at the Wesley Institute. the two ASC classes are two classes on Australian history and culture, and on Aboriginal History, and those two are taught by Kimberly, who is in charge of us. She works for the CCCU (Community of Christian Colleges and Universities), which runs the BestSemester study abroad program, which is where i found this opportunity to go to Australia... i think that about covers the lingo.. so there are Wesley students, and there are ASC students, (ASCers being the 33 of us). and all of us ASCers except Mariah and I are in a homestay, living in with a family. Flo is not a dorm, it is a student housing. (think like one of the Faith Academy dorms if you're a Faith Alum/Staff/Student)

enjoy the rest of the blog! please ask me if you need any more clarification on anything.

on Thursday, we had a Scavenger Hunt throughout Circular Quay (pronounced KEY! don't ask me why...) and the Rocks, and Darling Harbour. it was a LOT of fun running around and getting acquainted with that part of the city. and we had some REALLY hilarious times too! OH!!! I PLAYED A DIDGERIDOO!!! it was really cool! and technically, girls are not allowed to play them.. it's reserved for Aboriginal males only, culturally anyway, but the guy was really nice and let us all give it a try :) out of the 7 of us in my group, i (according to Mariah) was the only one who actually made didgeridoo-like sounds come out haha.. so I felt very accomplished about that haha.. OH! i will have pictures of all of this posted up on FB, when i have time Xp and i will post a link to this entry or to another blog post or something so everyone can find the pictures ^_^ until then, PLEASE BE PATIENT! thank you

Sunday, Mariah and I went to Hillsong church! it was VERY cool. :) God is CLEARLY evident and present in that church and doing LOTS of good in and through the people there. His presence was literally overwhelming. :) and coming from me, that is saying a LOT. I was unsure at first if I would like Hillsong. and actually until coming to Australia, i DID NOT LIKE Hillsong, because it was so big, and my only impressions of Hillsong were of this big mega and impersonal church. but I was TOTALLY wrong. well.. it IS a very big church, but you just have to find where to get plugged in and connected like in any church in America. which can be hard a lot of times, especially when you're used to small house churches... but it's going well! after a week of school, Mariah and went to Sunday Night Live at Hillsong church tonight, and I talked to some people and maybe I'll be working on the SOUND TEAM for them.. (#excited!)

my first week of classes was very.. interesting.. and LONG.. in Australia, they have each class only once a week. sometimes three times, but very rarely. and each class is 2-3 hours. or more. so my schedule is as follows:

Monday: Photography II - 1:00pm-4:00pm

Production Practice - 6:00pm-9:00pm

Tuesday: The View from Australia (ASC class on Australian history, culture, and politics) - 8:15am-12:15pm

Production Practice - 6:00pm-9:00pm

Wednesday: Vocal (small) Ensemble - 10:45am-12:45pm (my SHORTEST class!)

and then there is "The Gathering," equivalent to Chapel at letu, but NOT required, no card readers, COMPLETELY VOLUNTARY, but they do notice when you're there or not. (It's kinda hard to miss 33 new students at a school where the student populations is about 300-500...) but anyways, the Gathering is VERY cool, and from 1:00-2:00

Thursday: Drawing IV (Life Art) - 1:00pm-4:00pm

Production Practice - 6:00pm-9:00pm

Friday: Indigenous History, Culture, etc etc etc.. (class on Aborigines) - ALL DAY. basically... split up into lectures in the morning and excursions in the afternoon. which are always fun ^_^

so ya.. that's my schedule.. Photo II was such a large class that it was split into two sections.. Wesley Students from 1-4, and ASCers from 4:30-7:30. but b/c of my 6-9 class, i'm with the Wesley students. who are cool/nice/interesting, but the 2nd year graphic design students are a little... anti-social? idk.. they kinda keep to themselves and i'm having a little trouble connecting with them, but it's alright. we had fun last week lol..

Production Practice is the most work.. uhm.. (except for the ASC classes). basically, I'm the Sound Designer haha.. I'll be making the sound track, getting the sound effects, setting up sound, setting up LIGHTS, RUNNING SOUND, and on the Production team.. which has weekly meetings or something.. and i only need to go to ONE rehearsal a week, but as we get closer to performance date, i'll probably be going to all of the rehearsals.. so ya.. oh, the performance is in like week 12 or 13 i think? and it's the graduate show, so only three Wesley students, and three graduates (i think) who came back to help with the performance. and the play is "The Bald Prima Dona." VERY much Theatre of the Absurd, so i've been reading up on that so i know what kind of effects and music to get..

Vocal Ensemble is BY FAR one of my favorite classes so far ^_^ my FIRST choir class in 2 1/2 YEARS!!! and i'm LOVING it! I was a little shaky at first, trying to remember how to breathe, and then how to sing.. and then when i figured that out, i just had fun! :D there's 16 in the class, (i think), and they're all lots of fun :) (i hope/think.. haven't met them all yet, but it should be good!) we're doing various music pieces, and b/c there's only 16 of us, we will ALL have solo parts during the semester. speaking of which... I SANG A SOLO IN CLASS!!!! that is BIG for me. cuz i physically COULD NOT do that in high school. i had ZERO confidence in my own singing ability, and I was EXTREMELY self-conscious of myself in front of the other choir members (whom i knew and they were my good friends...) so.. lol.. ya.. it was funny cuz, first i got put with the METZOS!!! b/c i raised my hand and said i was a metzo/alto.. and she put me with the metzos.. so YA! that's gonna be interesting haha.. since i've sung Alto for about my whole life... haha... but anyway, back to the solo story haha.. one of the songs we're doing is skid town (or downtown) from Little Shop of Horrors, and my prof Clare had the second verse be a solo, and said metzos could try for the second (sops had first verse). she wanted someone with a bronks accent tho, and i volunteered cuz I was american and could maybe try for it. so she started playing, and i started singing.. and.. ya.. i sang a solo. ^_^ made me very happy, cuz there's a bit of a high note/jump that I had to get, and wasn't sure I could reach on my own, but apparently I can! :D so ya.. ^_^ VERY happy about that.

and another thing.. for the first time in my life, i'm in a choir for MYSELF. to make MYSELF happy, not to make anyone else happy or to gain anyone else's approval. this semester is for ME, and i'm going to ENJOY myself! ^o^

Life Drawing is... FUN! so far haha.. we just drew each other on the first day, and we'll do the same this week too.. but next week our nude model is coming in. so THAT'S going to be interesting.. cuz when i signed up for the class i did NOT know it was going to be drawing a nude model, but i'm ok with that. it'll be interesting. i feel a little bad for David tho haha.. the ONLY guy taking the class.. the rest of us are all ASC students, and girls.. and our model is a female as well.. so ya.. but i'm glad i'm taking the class. b/c it's going to help me get to where I want to go in life. and i'll save that for another blog post for another time...

and that's about all i can think of for right now.. i know it's a lot, but believe me, it's not even HALF of what i've done! haha.. oh ya, this past Friday night was a Flobian's 21st birthday party, and it was on the roof of a bar! which was VERY cool. and then Saturday night was another Flobian's 18th birthday party in NEWCASTLE. so Mariah and I went to that and ended up staying the night there at his house. GORGEOUS place, right on the water. and ANDREW!! I BROUGHT YOUR CAMERA AND GOT LOTS OF PICTURES! i just need to go thru them all now haha.. (i used Wall-e's lens tho) Mariah and i got back this afternoon around 2 i think... it was a GREAT trip. i made friends with some of Mitch's (the birthday boy) childhood/family friends, and I have an open invitation to return actually! lol.. :) good times.. good times.. looking forward to warmer days when i can go swimming! ^o^

ok, now that's REALLY everything haha... uhm, since my first class on Monday isn't until 1pm, i'm going to TRY to be online and available for chatting/skype/msn/etc on Monday mornings Sydney time, which would be Sunday night in America. I'm 2 hours ahead of the PI, and 15 hours ahead of Texas time.. so you do the math Xp i have enough of a headache of it already!

oh.. and please pray for me, cuz i hit my knee on the bus Friday on the way home from school. :( I was moving to sit down in the seat just up from the stairs, and the bus started moving again right as i was going to sit down, and so i was literally thrown into the seat. the corner of the chair hit my knee just above the kneecap, and i was almost in tears.. :'( it hurt SO bad! there's now a VERY pretty purple bruise.. not very big, but VERY tender.. i can hardly touch my knee actually. oh, my knee is also swollen to about twice it's normal size >.<>winter here Xp really wishing i had brought my boots, or another jacket/hoody/jumper, but oh well.. won't be much longer before it's warm weather again. and i'm borrowing Mitch's for now.

so i think that's all for now folks! i'm probably forgetting a lot of things, of just not bothering with them, b/c this post is already insanely long (sorry about that mates) and if i tried to squeeze everything in, they just wouldn't receive the justice due to them.. c'est la vie...

Love you guys! don't forget SUNDAY NIGHTS! TALK WITH MELODY!

almost there!

ok.. so we're all in the LAX airport, checked in, gone thru security.. and waiting for our plane which was delayed.. we're supposed to start boarding in an hour, and then leave at 1am.. so... let's keep our fingers crossed and hope it all works out! :D

this is a great bunch of people. :) i'm really glad i'm here.. i've just past the point of being excited LONG ago.. and i passed the point of panicking a week ago or so as well.. so now i'm just kinda.. comeon.. let's go already haha.. i've been working towards this for 7 months now.. about anyways.. and this is like the first step to following my dreams.. "you can have both roots and wings..." and i'm going to chase after my dreams, and soar on the wings that God has given me.. i'm glad my wings aren't stuck to me with wax tho, cuz otherwise i might end up like Icharus ;)

oh, and i didn't get my phone unblocked like i had planned (darn it!) so... we'll see what happens with the phone... Xp i don't know when i'll get online again, so shoot me an email (see previous post for address)

so long mates!

slight change in plans..

so.. as soon as i posted my last blog entry, i got a call from SkyMiles, saying my flight had been cancelled.. BUT they already booked me for another flight, getting me to LAX only half an hour later than before.. so HERE is my final flight plan for getting to LAX:

19 July

12:37pm - DFW to SLC arriving at 2:21pm

3:06pm - SLC to LAX arriving at 4:00pm

while i'm in Sydney, i'll be staying at the Flo Harris Lodge, and it's "a student housing facility that hosts around fifty college students from tertiary institutions across Sydney. Flo Harris offers billiard and ping-pong tables, a music practice room, a patio with outdoor seating, and a spacious yard. Lewisham is close to the city and to Leichhardt, a charming suburb that serves as the Italian district of Sydney. Lewisham is roughly a 45 minute bus ride from Wesley Institute."

I'll actually be staying in the Morton House which adjoins to the FHL, and the Morton House is built in the Victorian style, Mariah (my roommate and I) will have a large room on the 2nd(i'm guessing) floor, and we have a balcony ^_^ we will also have INTERNET, (unlike the other 31 ASC students... but i won't be on that much. and i have to pay for the internet myself.. so.. don't expect me to be online all that much

you CAN expect to see updates on both twitter (http://twitter.com/Sis2Penn) which will automatically update on FB as well.. so check out my profile page, tweet me, w/e..

Also, the best email to reach me at would be my letu email address: MelMiller@letu.edu.

FHL Address:

11 The Boulevarde

Lewisham NSW 2049

Mailing Addresses:

For Regular mail...

Melody Miller ASC – Wesley Institute

P.O. Box 534

Drummoyne, NSW 1470

AUSTRALIA

For Packages...

Melody Miller ASC – Wesley Institute

5 Mary Street

Drummoyne, NSW 2047

AUSTRALIA

I love you guys! wish me luck XD

Finally...

today is finally the day... after almost 7 months of thinking and planning and getting ready to go to Australia, i'm finally going today. well.. technically this evening, and since the flight is scheduled to leave at 11:50pm, we might as well say in the first hours of tomorrow Xp but who cares really...

i suppose some of you will be curious as to what my schedule is, so i'm going to tell you.

19 July

9:35pm - DFW to ATL arriving at 12:44pm

1:50pm - ATL to LAX arriving at 3:25pm

after arriving in LAX, i will get my bags from luggage claim, and hang out until 8:45, when i will go to the food court and meet the rest of the group.. or as they gather.. some of them, i'm meeting up with while we're stuck at the airport Xp others are getting together and LEAVING said airport and then coming back at 8:45 (the lucky stiffs...) then at some point we will all proceed together to check-in and security and etc etc etc.. all that fun jazz that i have done my ENTIRE life.. only now with a package group, mostly of people who've never traveled internationally before.. won't this be fun... (meh, i'll make the most of it :) i've got a deck of cards and music ;))

19 July

11:50pm - LAX to Sydney arrvinging around 7:25am (Wednesday, 21 July)

i do not have ANY more details of this flight.. so just pray pray pray pray pray!!

well, it is now almost 6:30, and time for me head to the airport! :D my brother Steven is driving me, and we're MAKING SURE that i'm there ON-TIME so i don't miss my flight like on Spring break Xp

Wish you all the best!! and wish me luck haha..

Praise God!

Good news!! My check came in the mail today! :D I has monies!!! XDXDXDXDXD

AND my lens came in too!!! ^o^ happy day!!!!

oh, and I actually had a LOT of fun shopping!!! which RARELY happens Xp i spent a lot of money, but i don't go shopping very often.. so stuff either doesn't get worn or gets overworn, and i need new clothes.. needless to say..l. i about increased my wardrobe but a third... and not even half of what i bought is going with me to Australia..

oh well!! :D i had lots of fun today, and got a lot done. :) and that's all that matters ^_^

HELP!!!!

in SERIOUS need of prayer guys!

My check was supposed to come in Thursday, but it didn't. and it hasn't come in today either! :( i'm getting really worried, guys. please please please please pray for the mail to cooperate, since i'm also waiting on at least two more packages before Monday, and i leave dfw airport for lax at 9:35am. so i REALLY need those packages and my check to get here!

My grandma said she could lend me $400 for shopping on Saturday for the stuff i need to get (ie, professional ensemble for Parliament and Embassy days, hiking boots, and a few nefarious other things). But i won't be able to pay anyone back before i leave if that check doesn't come in. :(

help me Jesus...

4 days to go...

Hey! it's been a while, eh? sorry about that... so. uhm... ya.. this is going to be a problem-solution entry.. and i'll probably be leaving stuff out.. ya... here goes! and in no sensible order.. basically whatever i think of first gets put down...

Problem: Visa was VERY slow in getting processed and emailed to me.

Solution: after a VERY long time waiting, I received my Visa on 30 June(ish)...

Problem: Need new battery for laptop

Solution: bought one, but sent to wrong address. (d'oh! *facepalm*)

Solution2: email the people ASAP. should get the battery tomorrow or Friday (PLEASE GOD!)

Problem: running out of MaryKay face cleaner, low on cash, and mail timing.

Solution: called Claire's "replacement" consultant. got on a new system of face cleansers, mailed monday, arrived today, i STILL got the 20% discount, and she's charging me on Friday

Problem: $16 in my bank account...

Solution: MKSAPS come in tomorrow :) i go to the bank, deposit my check, open a savings account with said check, and alert to international use in Oz

Problem: need new phone

Solution: got upgrade. i now have a red Pantech Reveal. still getting used to the QWERTY keyboard.. grr....

Problem: lots of medical bills..

Solution: IMB might pay for all those medical checks i got because i had to get them for SCHOOL (PLEASE GOD!)

Problem: no friends and very little family on my birthday #sadpandaface

Solution: my brother Steven spent the ENTIRE day with me, and made sure i felt EXTRA special and loved, and it was a WONDERFUL day! ^o^ i love my brother!

Problem: lost nose ring down drain >.< #sadface

Solution: bough three new ones with birthday money ^_^ (had a piece of broomstraw in the hole in the meantime...)

Problem: last time i had my eyes checked was last summer.. and they had gotten worse then

Solution: got my eyes checked Tuesday. didn't get worse, but didn't get better either. Still, no change is good :) means i only had to pay for ONE pair of new lenses for my glasses, and then order contacts >.< #expensive!

Problem: my grandma has been paying for everything...

Solution: pay her back eventually...

Problem: owe LOTS of people money...

Solution: pay them back eventually.. (and somehow have some left to live on in Oz? maybe, maybe not... Proposed Solution: get a job!)

Problem: i need hiking boots, and a professional outfit.. and some other things that are not going on a blog :p

Solution: shopping with Miss Cindy on Saturday!

Problem: need another lens for the camera that Andrew Stewart is lending me...

Solution: Walle has one! and he's sending it down! and i'm praying it gets here before Sunday!!!

Problem: not sleeping well

Solution: still working on it

Problem: having panic attacks

Solution: Matthew 11:28. "Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Compliments of Jimmy Stewart).

Problem: was EXTREMELY stressed out before about visa

Solution: encouragement from Andrew "Just remember God loves you, you're a beautiful young woman who won't be visa-less or single much longer God willing as long as you're patient."

Problem: still needed to unpack my room from COLLEGE

Solution: i unpacked. .... mostly.. still got a few things to straighten out.. like what's cluttering the top of my desk..

Problem: needed to order two more books for a couple classes i'll be taking in Oz..

Solution: ordered one via amazon, have the other waiting for me in Oz already, and i pay AU$7 when i get there.

Problem: still waiting on the first book, which i ordered 8 July

Solution: PRAYER!!!!

Problem: missing friends :( getting cabin fever.

Solution: go swing dancing with Steven, Nanda, and Christina! it was lots of fun :) also, i think i'm meeting up with Andrew Beirnes and friends tomorrow after dental appt.

Problem: my next scheduled dental appt was for sept... i'll be missing that by two months when i get back

Solution: called monday and made an appt for tomorrow at noon.

uhm.... i think that's most of it, if not all of it... oh! one more..

Problem: DIDN'T HAVE COFFEE TODAY!!!! :(

Solution: go to bed within the hour, wake up at 9, shower, drink LOTS of STRONG coffee, and read my Bible ^_^ sounds like a plan to me!

G'night mates!

figured i may as well and try to start with the Aussie accent haha.. oh ya! in case you didn't already know, i have a twitter now (http://twitter.com/Sis2Penn) and it will upload directly to facebook. and i will have my phone with my in Oz, and it will be working but with a different number on an Aussie sim.

Happiness is fuzzy and purple...

I made a new friend today... ^o^

Breaking News!

I have paid for my visa! =D YES!! happy, good, amazing news! cause for rejoicing!

now for the bad news... I wasn't supposed to get my medical examination or my x-rays done until AFTER paying -_- There are specific doctors that I have the choice of seeing to get all this done, and two forms that I have to bring with me as well...

So! all that money I borrowed from my uncle (and the tears that followed) just went down the drain... *sigh..* ah well.. **** happens, and life goes on...

I found out which doctors I can go see, looked up their names in my insurance and called both of them, but insurance won't cover either. so phooey! this is all going to be out of my pocket >.<>have money. but that's all the money that I have, and it has to last me until July 15 (four days before I'm supposed to leave). However, if I don't get my visa I won't be going anyway.. so... guess who's going to be broke again?

At one doctor's the cost is $300 for everything (with a very friendly receptionist on the phone too ^^, I liked her). The other doctor is $250, (but not as friendly a receptionist as the first one). I'm going to have to go with the cheaper one though. "Beggars can't be choosers."

I'll let you guys know how things turn out... But as a good friend reminded me this morning.. Well, ok two good friends lol... "I need to CHILL! God will work it all out and everything will be fine. if i end up going or not... and the good thing is that there are advantages to going and to not going..." and from the other friend "This is why I tell you: Don't worry about your life... Look at the birds of the sky: they don't sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren't you worth more than they? ... Learn how the wildflowers of the field grow: they don't labor or spin thread. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was adorned like one of these! If that's how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, won't he do much more for you--you of little faith? So don't worry... For the idolaters eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of god and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you. Therefore don't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

You know.. I used to HATE that passage growing up.. because it was one of the longest passages I had to memorize for Bible, and it was sooo annoying because it was soo long! I've never forgotten it because I hated it so much actually lol.. but I needed to be reminded of it today. Thanks April! ^_^

more tears and frustration

So... I just posted about all the chores and documents that I needed to do.. And all of that in itself would give ANYONE a headache.. but there's more that lies underneath...

Presently, with all the **** I've been wading through, and the tasks to get completed, and all the struggles and frustrations I'm having... I'm trying to remember why I wanted to go to Australia in the first place. And why in the world am I putting myself through all of this. I'm trying to convince myself that it will all be worth it in the end. i'm trying SO hard.. and i just end up crying. I think i cried myself to sleep last night actually.. I spent the afternoon cleaning the kitchen, and crying, cuz i was so stressed out about everything.

And not only was I stressed, have been stressed, but I've been alone for most of it. My brother started his summer classes on Tuesday. My uncle works all day and comes home in the evenings. we're never sure when he's coming in actually.. And my grandmother's been in the hospital. Steven and I don't know anyone in Arlington. we don't have any close friends here.. and, don't get me wrong, i LOVE my alone-time, but a month of it is just too much.

Now some of you, well probably most of you, knowing my friends, would suggest that I get involved with my church. I've tried that. I've tried to do that EVERY TIME I'M IN THIS COUNTRY. At least I tried until this year. this year was it. I didn't want to bother with it anymore. See... in 8th grade I used to be really involved in my church, especially in the youth. I did everything i possibly could! it was the FIRST time for me to actually feel AT HOME and really WELCOMED in a church. and the first time for me to be in a church youth group actually. I loved it. But I was only there for 6-7 months, and then i went back to the Philippines until my eldest brother got married a year and a half later in 2005. didn't have much time to do anything with the youth, but i went over there.. next time was in 2006. we were here for the ENTIRE SUMMER. and i tried. i tried so hard to get back into the youth group.

but... idk.. it was like they didn't care if i was there or not. it didn't matter that i had been gone, because they couldn't remember that i had been there before. i felt like i didn't exist. and I'd never been to a public school in the states, i don't keep up with popular music :p so i had NO idea what ANY of them were talking about AT ALL. (of course, we must all keep in mind that this summer was just after i was suicidal for about 3-4 months... That's a story for another time, that probably won't be told on here...) I guess after that.. i didn't bother trying anymore.. When i started college, I tried joining the college group. but it was all the same people as before. they didn't care. and they still don't care. they don't meet to study God's word at all. they meet almost purely for social matters. why do they even bother with the pretense of studying? it frustrates me to no end, so I don't go to the college group anymore.

and I guess that whole back story is where my main fear stems from.. I'm terrified that I'll leave for Australia in July, and come back to school in January, or even when I'm back for Thanksgiving, and find that my place among my friends has been taken. that i've been replaced. or that we will all have changed so much that we cannot relate to one another anymore. I'm afraid that i will become a stranger to my friends. I'm already feeling left behind. i couldn't find a job this summer, not that i really tried, since i'm supposed to be leaving in mid-July (if my visa comes through). There wasn't really a point. and most of my friends have jobs this summer, so they're working, while i sit on my bum, staring at my laptop screen cuz i have nothing to do and no friends to hang out with or talk to.i feel useless, lonely, and abandoned. only I'M the one who's not doing anything. I'M the one who's going to another country for 4 months (God willing). so why do I feel like i'm being left behind? it doesn't make sense, even to me. but it's how i feel.

I'm scared. I'm really scared. I'm scared that i can't keep up with the other students in Australia. Art class, photography, choir, tech/stage crew work... stuff i haven't done since high school! and there's no way i'll be able to skype with all my friends or be on facebook all the time. I'm sorry to those of you who command me to skype them and keep up, but the chances of that are EXTREMELY slim. and besides, you all have your own lives to live, right? how are the crazy antics of a friend on the other side of the world going to affect your lives?

Call it my inferiority complex or something.. but i'm EXTREMELY lonely, feeling VERY forgotten, lacking encouragement and self-confidence, and trying to get everything done so i can go to Australia. All the while wondering to myself WHY I'm putting myself through hell to try to get there. and hoping and wishing that it'll all be worth it in the end, and that my friends will still be my friends when i return. No matter how much we've changed.

aaaaand i'm crying again.. i think i'll try going to bed now.. sorry for the two depressing blog posts.. but it's been that kind of... summer..

on a happier note, my brother John gets married next weekend! :D and we're going to South Carolina Jun 9th! :D and i found someone to alter my bridesmaid's top for me! :D yay for little miracles ^_^

tears and frustrations...

I realize I'm overdue for writing something.. and I'm trying to think of something that I can write without making everyone depressed or without crying, again... It's been a very hard 12ish days... Obviously, you should be able to tell from the title T_T

Well, it's June 2nd, or it was an hour or so ago.. and I've got a list of things I'm supposed to have filled out and sent in to the ASC office in Washington DC. There's my Medical/Emergency Form, my ISIC and the money for that, register for classes, my Domestic Travel Form, and last, but not least, my State Department Registration. aka: MY VISA. the source of all my tears that I've shed in the past 4 days. the worry that has kept me awake for many nights, reading manga to block out the world, and staying up until much later than I needed. the diabolical, nagging, and yet oh so vitally important task that I MUST have as soon as humanly possible... more on that later

Starting from the top, I have th Med/Em form filled out, faxed AND mailed in to Washington, with copies of my insurance card. The most annoying part? MY GRANDMOTHER'S COMPUTER DOES NOT HAVE MICROSOFT WORD INSTALLED. and I couldn't find the box with the product key >.<>

Next on the list was my International Student Identity Card (ISIC) and the money for that. I actually took care of that AGES ago, with the help of Andrew Stewart :p he took pictures of me in a tree, and I sent one of those in with money to buy the stupid card. So guess who gets to have an ID picture of herself in a tree! -.^ (I completely tore my arm apart climbing that tree too >.<>

Registration opened up the week after graduation while I was still on campus, so THAT was fun to figure out which classes I was taking and WHEN I would take them.. I'm still REALLY confused how that's all going to work out.. I don't think I'm getting any breaks... oh... -_- and I made a teensy-weensy mistake when I was talking with Letu staff and getting "registered" for classes here.. I had originally gotten permission to take TWENTY hours.. (some of you may remember me talking about that). ASC contacted us and said they didn't allow their *regular* students to take more than 18, and most struggled with 17... So.. with 16 being my minimum, and 17 as the max, I signed up for 17 credit hours... I thought..

WHOOPS!

Turns out one of my classes was worth FOUR credit hours.. not three.. so I'll be taking 18 credit hours.. and it's going to feel like at least 22 hours at Letu.. and ALL of it Fine Arts oriented.. well.. except for two classes.. 1/3 of the 18 credit hours are counting towards my degree audit.. the only classes that aren't Fine Arts oriented... Intro to Poly Sci and Cultural Anthropology. They actually have different names at ASC, but that's what they're counting them for at Letu. and besides, I can't remember the real class names -_- (when I get my official schedule, I'll be sure to post it on here so you guys can see what kind of hell I'll be going through)

Next was my TRAVEL FORM... Basically, they needed to know how I'll be getting to LAX where I'll be meeting the group going to Australia, and how I'll be getting back home from LAX. We bought those tickets on Monday or Tuesday I believe.. talk about cutting it close! I didn't have the money for those tickets.. we ended up using all but 3,000 of my SkyMiles, and we had to buy more miles as well... I think I owe my parents around $2-300 for that.. (in case you didn't know, money is going to crop up again and again in this blog, because it has ALSO been a source of many shed tears and sleepless nights and much frustration). But I have my tickets! On July 19, I fly out of DFW around 9:30am, fly to ATLANTA, arrive there around 12:44pm, THEN fly to LAX at 2ish, arriving around 3:30. the group doesn't leave for Australia until 11:55pm... I'm going to have SO much fun sitting in an airport for 8-9 hours doing NOTHING. >.<>

Lastly, we come to the bane of.. my efforts to go to Australia..

Before I complain anymore about how frustrating it's been, I have to admit my own faults here.. I received my EcoE (Electronic confirmation of Enrollment) code on May 19th I believe.. and i SHOULD have started applying for my visa then, but I didn't. I didn't get to work on ANY of the stuff due for June 2nd until Friday afternoon. See, there's this little matter of money that's needed to pay for a plane ticket and a visa... I already told you about the plane ticket. A student visa to Australia costs $540.. I JUST NOW got that money today, (June 2nd) but via check deposit, so I can't touch it until tomorrow afternoon!

but I'm getting ahead of myself...

I started applying for my visa, and all of a sudden two messages in bright blue appear at the top of my screen, saying "Melody Miller needs to undergo a medical examination," and "Melody Miller needs to undergo a chest x-ray." .... then I got to the page where I was supposed to pay, and I didn't have the money :p then I spent about an hour or two trying to figure out where I'm supposed to send in the results of the physical and the xray.. couldn't find anything. so I email the ASC people and ask them if they have any idea where I'm supposed to send the results. They of course get all anxious and concerned about the fact that I don't have my visa yet. I KNOW that it's very important to have my visa in time. I grew up on the mission field, traveling between countries. and if they had read my application (which I'm pretty sure they were supposed to, they would have known that I'm an MK and am use to international travel.. huh.. go figure) so... needless to say, I was very angry at them for practically insulting me >.<>

@%$*#%@*$%@#$%@!!!!!!!

*sigh...* i'm fine...

so... I got my physical done on Sunday actually, because they were open until 5. that pretty much wiped out my bank account.. mostly. I asked them how much an x-ray would cost. $110. ok.. uhm.. hey Grandma? lol.. actually, my Uncle loaned me money for that, since my grandmother has been in the hospital recovering from knee replacement surgery that she had on May 20th (i think...). So I went back to CareNow for the x-ray.. and had to explain about five times WHY i was getting an xray, to four people... finally got the x-ray done, saw the doctor afterwards, i'm fine, i'm healthy, nothing is broken, and i don't have TB :p (i already knew that though) so i go to pay and check out. =) seeing the doctor cost an extra $98... i only had the $110 with me (that's actually ALL i had), and my brother was close to broke as well.. So we called my Uncle Randy, and begged him for more money. -_- So we drive back home, get another $100 from my uncle, then go back to the clinic and finish paying.

Oh, and I'm basically in tears during this whole not-having-money-going-home-borrowing-from-uncle-again deal... i HATE borrowing money. absolutely hate being in debt to someone. and yet, i frequently find myself doing just that. That wasn't what made me cry though. what made me cry was the fact that my uncle is SO much like my dad sometimes, except he's a bachelor. my uncle's never had any kids, so he doesn't have that tender streak like my dad does. Now, my dad can be VERY tender and gentle. My dad is the one i got all of my touchy-feely stuff from, not my mom. And when i upset my dad, yes, he gets angry at me, and gets on to me. But then, and i LOVE my dad for this, he ALWAYS makes sure to come back immediately and lets me know that he still loves me and that he forgives me and that everything is all right. Now.. i KNOW that I upset my uncle.. and i know he forgives me, (at least i hope so...) but it's really hard to have to face someone who is SO much like my dad, and NOT receive that gentle love that i'm so used to receiving from my dad..

I think I stayed in my room and cried most of the rest of that day.. or turned my brain off and read shoujo manga..

Anyways.. the xray results should be in tomorrow. My brother is going to pick those up tomorrow morning before he goes to classes at 1. And then by 3 or 4 i think I'll be able to pay for my visa, and I'll figure out where I'm supposed to send in the results for my physical and my xray... and pray that everything goes smoothly and i get my visa.